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Rudolph
Super-Human
Super-Human
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Posts : 3588
Registration date : 2008-04-23

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PostSubject: Party Dress   Party Dress EmptyApril 24th 2008, 6:52 pm
It a story I made and it's not done yet. It's like 6page long, but I'm only putting the 1st page.
"Oh my gosh! Josh is having a celebration party for the football and cheerleading squad!", Holly screamed out in the middle of her shcool's crowded hallways. Everyone looked at her with faces saying "Why are you talking so loud?". Holly understood and lighty said sorry.

"Yeah, you can't talk so loud Holly. We have, like, reputations here. We are pretty and smart and cheerleaders, We cheerleaders don't get detention for talking loud, or detention at all!", Holly's friend, Ke-Ke whispered to Holly a little louder than she expected.

"Um, yeah, that was my bad. So are you going?"

"Yeah, but we need to go the mall to get new dresses", Ke-Ke said sitting down on a near-by bench in the hallway.

"I went Saturday with Amy. I got the CUTEST purple dress!"

"Details...Deeeetails!"

"Freeze, it's time for Study Hall.", Holly said getting up from the bench and jogging down the hall with her "BFF" by her side. Both of their ponytails swaying from left to right like a horse cantering on a cool day.

Study Hall is the same everytime, you either study, talk, or listen to your iPods. Soooo boring...NOT!

Rate it from 1-10.
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Mr Fun
Seeker
Seeker
Mr Fun


Posts : 125
Registration date : 2008-03-29

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PostSubject: Re: Party Dress   Party Dress EmptyApril 28th 2008, 1:30 pm
Nice story.
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Guest
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PostSubject: Re: Party Dress   Party Dress EmptyApril 28th 2008, 9:14 pm
7/10 It had a good story I guess, but it could use some cliff hanges and more action.
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Argie
Hero of Time
Hero of Time
Argie


Posts : 11494
Registration date : 2008-03-08

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PostSubject: Re: Party Dress   Party Dress EmptyApril 28th 2008, 9:32 pm
It's okay, but I don't usually like these stories anyway.

The NOT part at the end is strange.
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Egaro
Hero of Time
Hero of Time
Egaro


Posts : 13850
Registration date : 2008-01-26

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PostSubject: Re: Party Dress   Party Dress EmptyApril 29th 2008, 8:26 am
Eh, not bad--it's a more realistic "high school" plot than most stories out there, but there's not quite enough detail and not too much of a developed plot.

I hope you're adding more, 7/10.
~Egaro
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Nooh
Hero for Hire
Hero for Hire
Nooh


Posts : 1344
Registration date : 2008-05-02

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PostSubject: Re: Party Dress   Party Dress EmptyMay 6th 2008, 12:22 pm
I totally agree with Egaro,I Don't even like these stories
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Rudolph
Super-Human
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Posts : 3588
Registration date : 2008-04-23

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PostSubject: Re: Party Dress   Party Dress EmptyMay 6th 2008, 5:34 pm
Well it's not dne and like I said...it's 6 pages long. I will remember the little poeples when I'm famous lol :-D the story gets more exciting (they go to honolulu)
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